How to Cope With The Death Of A Loved One

Whether we realize it or not, life would be incomplete without people to share it with. Have you imagined yourself being the owner of all the resources on earth with unlimited control as to how you use it? Ok then, now picture yourself being alone in the earth or at best being surrounded by robots. You would agree with me that all those resources would mean nothing without loved ones to share it with. Often times, our most memorable moments were not those spent in isolation but those shared with the people that mean more than the world to us.

How devastating would it now be when our loved ones leave us? If they probably severed the relationship we have with them, there is still hope of reconciliation. However, what happens when a loved one dies and we won’t ever see them again. Such a person won’t be around to share our joy with us again and even our sorrows. Suddenly, we feel left alone and somewhat abandoned. This could really leave us in despair.

Recently, I lost my best friend to cancer. He was more than a friend; he was a brother. I received the news with great shock. I was devastated. The only question on my mind was “Why?” I still can’t articulate my feelings with words. At best, let me say I was broken, totally! Life was unfair. Suddenly, feelings of regret overwhelmed me. “Maybe if I had been more present or had prayed some more, maybe he would have survived,” I thought to myself. I felt partly responsible for his death. I blamed myself in many ways. Tears flowed without control.

A month had passed and I was partly still in denial. I still couldn’t bring myself to accept the fact that my friend was no more. No day passed without thoughts of him followed by tears. Later, I found out I could remember him and smile, sometimes even laugh. This was because we had a lot of happy moments. I began to feel like I had gotten over my grief until one day while I was at work trying to get some things done, I remembered my friend and couldn’t stop myself from crying. I had to excuse myself and find a place to cry. I really didn’t think much about this until it happened a second time. Then I knew I had to get help. I didn’t want to go from grief to depression. The things I discovered in my search for help is what I want to share with you.


5 ways to deal with the death of a loved one

  1. Accept the feelings of grief: Understand that it is ok to feel bad, even terrible, after the death of a loved one. Experts have come to agree that there is really no right or wrong way to feel after the death of a loved one. We all respond (or would respond) differently to situations like this. You could wake up in the morning feeling great and feel totally down before midday. It’s ok. Just remind yourself that the feelings are yours and it is perfectly normal.
  2. Allow yourself to grieve: There is no point trying to “form superman”. Don’t put a time limit to getting out of grief. With time, the feelings of grief would pass. Experts have said there are 5 stages of grief and I have found this to be true in my experience. These are:
    • Denial: You can’t believe that he/she is gone. Everything feels unreal; you actually feel like someone is “doing you film trick”.
    • Anger: This anger has no limits. It can extend towards your friends, your family, even the loved one that died and yes, God. In my case, I was first angry with myself, and then my friend (for leaving me as though he wanted to) and finally, at God. I had all sorts of questions that God needed to answer (as though he was responsible). It was all anger. Underneath this anger is pain. This anger can even later extend towards someone who maybe missed the funeral. In any case, it is ok to allow yourself feel this anger. As you allow it, it will dissipate. Trust me.
    • Bargaining: This stage often also come with regret. You begin to feel like “What if you had done something differently, maybe the person wouldn’t have died”. Then you try negotiating with God in order to get things to return to how they were before the loved one died. Statements beginning with “if only” are common at this stage. It’s all part of the process.
    • Depression: You feel an overwhelming sadness. You know life would never be the same and you feel you wouldn’t be able to carry on without that person. This stage is however not to be taken as a sign of mental illness. In fact, it is a perfect response to the death of a loved one. You want to withdraw from everything in life. You start seeing life has empty and pointless. This response is usual and normal; and it is ok to feel this way. It simply means you are on the road to recovery.
    • Acceptance: This is where you finally accept that the person is really gone. You might not like it but you will eventually learn to live with it. I am not sure I am at this stage yet but then, I have found out that we must learn to adjust to this new reality. At this stage, we would need to recognize the roles the beloved one has played in our lives, reassign them or take them on ourselves. We can never replace what has been lost but we can make new and meaningful relationships. It is important to realize that we cannot come to this stage until we have given grief its time.

Kindly note that these stages are not necessarily experienced in their order. Also, one can move forward to another stage and relapse to a previous one.

[ctt template=”8″ link=”M0cb0″ via=”yes” ]The death of a loved one usually leaves a wide vacuum in the life of the survivor.[/ctt]

  1. Get support: The death of a loved one usually leaves a wide vacuum in the life of the survivor. It is therefore necessary to get as much support as one can from family, friends, pastor, imam or even a therapist. True, you might wish to be alone in this period but it is helpful to receive support from people that can be there for you emotionally and physically, if there is need for that.
  2. Talk about the person that died: People around you might not want to do this in order not to upset you. However, talking can help you get a lot off your mind. I found it very helpful to talk with other friends about the good times I had with my deceased friend. It has not been as upsetting as it looks on the surface. In fact, it has helped me cherish our relationship even more.
  3. Embrace life: The pain felt after the death of a loved one is real and must be felt but then, at some point, you must begin to live your own life once more. We all cope with grief differently and there is no telling how long it will last. It is needful to remember that our loved one would want us to get our lives back on track. In fact, it is one way we can honour the memory of our deceased loved one. If, however, you find out that doing this is difficult or seemingly impossible, you should seek help from a doctor, a guidance counsellor or your religious leader.

I miss my friend. Life has not been the same since his passing. However, I have beautiful memories to hold on to. I am taking my time to go through the grieving process. If you are in my shoes, you should do the same too.

Have you ever lost a loved one? How did you cope? Share with me in the comment section below.

I am a microbiologist passionate about educating and helping people live out their full potential. Can't do that if you are ill, can you? Connect with me on social media. I would love to meet you. For more details, send an email to


  1. Comment: really, I thought I was the only one that ask questions like ‘why’. thanks for sharing your experience . I found it helpful.

  2. I wanted to extend my heartfelt thanks for the tremendous value I’ve gained from this website. Your dedication and expertise are evident, and I’m truly grateful for your contributions. The content on this website is simply outstanding! It’s evident that a lot of effort has gone into curating such valuable information. Kudos to the entire team! Thanks for the informations! ID : CMT-TLOAEHQMLGJNAE8Y8P

  3. I wanted to express my heartfelt thanks for the incredible effort you’ve put into creating and maintaining this website. The information you’ve provided has been life-changing, and I’m truly grateful. I appreciate the diverse range of topics covered and the depth of knowledge shared. Thank you for providing such a valuable resource for learning and growth. Great ! Thanks! ID : CMT-VYZVLPEGP7WTXPHVCX

  4. After I originally left a comment I seem to have clicked
    on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now whenever a
    comment is added I receive four emails with the exact same comment.
    Is there a means you are able to remove me from that service?
    Many thanks!

  5. I like the valuable information you provide in your articles.
    I will bookmark your weblog and check again here regularly.
    I’m quite sure I’ll learn plenty of new stuff right here!
    Best of luck for the next!

  6. Your style is very unique compared to other folks I’ve read stuff from.
    Many thanks for posting when you’ve got the opportunity, Guess I
    will just bookmark this page.

  7. Thanks for your marvelous posting! I genuinely enjoyed reading it, you are a great author.I will make certain to
    bookmark your blog and will eventually come back in the future.
    I want to encourage yourself to continue your great
    job, have a nice afternoon!

  8. Hello! I’ve been following your website for a long time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and
    give you a shout out from Atascocita Texas! Just wanted to
    mention keep up the great job!

  9. I blog often and I genuinely thank you for your information. This great article has
    really peaked my interest. I will take a note of
    your website and keep checking for new details about once a week.
    I subscribed to your Feed as well.

  10. Appreciating the time and energy you put into your blog and detailed information you provide.

    It’s great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same unwanted rehashed material.
    Excellent read! I’ve saved your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  11. Right here is the right web site for everyone who really wants
    to find out about this topic. You know a whole lot its almost
    hard to argue with you (not that I actually will need to…HaHa).
    You certainly put a brand new spin on a topic that has been discussed for ages.

    Wonderful stuff, just great!

  12. Today, I went to the beachfront with my kids.
    I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She
    put the shell to her ear and screamed. There
    was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back!
    LoL I know this is completely off topic but I had to tell someone!

  13. Hi there! This article could not be written much better!
    Looking at this post reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He constantly kept talking about this. I most certainly will send this post to him.
    Pretty sure he’s going to have a very good read. Many thanks for sharing!

  14. Hi my friend! I wish to say that this post is
    awesome, great written and include approximately all significant infos.
    I would like to look extra posts like this .

  15. Hi, i feel that i saw you visited my blog thus i came to return the
    favor?.I’m attempting to find things to enhance my website!I assume its good enough
    to make use of a few of your concepts!!

  16. Greetings from California! I’m bored to tears at work so I decided to check out your
    site on my iphone during lunch break. I love the knowledge you present here and can’t wait to take a
    look when I get home. I’m amazed at how fast your blog loaded
    on my mobile .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G ..
    Anyways, wonderful blog!

  17. I feel this is one of the such a lot important information for me.
    And i’m satisfied studying your article. But wanna observation on few basic issues,
    The website style is wonderful, the articles is in reality great :
    D. Good job, cheers

  18. Hi, I do think this is an excellent blog. I stumbledupon it 😉 I am going to come back yet again since I saved as a favorite it. Money and freedom is the best way to change, may you be rich and continue to help other people.

  19. I’m impressed, I must say. Seldom do I encounter a blog that’s both educative and engaging, and let me tell you, you have
    hit the nail on the head. The problem is something too few folks are speaking intelligently about.

    I am very happy that I came across this during
    my search for something regarding this.

  20. My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find most
    of your post’s to be what precisely I’m looking for. can you offer guest writers to write content
    to suit your needs? I wouldn’t mind creating a post or
    elaborating on many of the subjects you write in relation to here.
    Again, awesome web log!

  21. Thank you, I’ve recently been looking for
    information about this topic for a long time and yours is the best I’ve came upon till
    now. But, what about the conclusion? Are you
    sure in regards to the source?

  22. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog
    that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have
    some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything.

    I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look
    forward to your new updates.

  23. Howdy! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website before
    but after going through a few of the articles I realized it’s new to me.
    Anyhow, I’m certainly happy I found it and I’ll be bookmarking it and
    checking back often!